Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
