I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
