We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today