I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.