I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It happened again.
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is