shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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