last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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