I wish I could teleport
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
FUCK WHALES
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
