I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
