Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
