I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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