I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
