The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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