i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
