Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
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I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
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I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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