Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
