were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
