Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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