We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
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You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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