put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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