I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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