At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
