OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
