Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
