i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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