is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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