apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It's official drugs can't kill me
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
