youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
