Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
