Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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