She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize