We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
