time to smoke my breakfast
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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