I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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