New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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