I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
