In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
