I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
