dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
