you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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