oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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