We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The uberlube is also flammable
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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