got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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