When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
