I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize