I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
