whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Randomize
