is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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