I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
