The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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