I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
