weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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