So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize