I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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