My pussy is not your playground.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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