I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
