I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
