Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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