There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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