I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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