I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
