the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
