He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
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I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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