i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
